Too Cliche For You

Too Cliché for You

By: Kruti Patel

In this very moment as Faith stared, wide-eyed at the most beautiful stranger she had ever seen in any of her lifetimes, she realized what she considered fantasy had always been a deformed form of a very distant reality.

Even though she was afraid, in fear that this breath-taking creature would disappear from her sight forever, she blinked. Then blinked again. And again.

He was still there. She shook my head to process what she had just seen with her two human eyes. This-this man or whatever he was had managed to form some sort of a weird purple black hole, come out of it, and randomly announce let’s make babies…

The bewildered girl finally broke her trance, and basically wheezed out, “Who are you?! And how did you find me?!”

The man had an amused expression on his face, which quickly changed into a serious one as he cleared his throat, “I know not of who you are, nor how I came to find you. But, may I just say,” he looked up and gave her the most overdramatic flirtiest smile he muster up, “Hiiii,” he drawled out.

Faith shifted uncomfortably and looked around, thoroughly getting more confused by the minute.

He looked straight at her and winked, “How you doin’,” his voice turned smoother and suaver as he said the next part, “Name’s Flynn Rider.”

Faith started scowling as she looked back at the stranger, he opened her mouth, but nothing came out.

“Seriously? You know that was coming! Tangled is like one of my favorite movies ever, sweetheart.”

Faith just remained bewildered, annoyed, and in grave shock, “NO, but seriously, WHO are you?”

“I’m your worst nightmare.”

Faith said nothing as she just stared at him wearing an expression somewhere between fearful and doubtful.

“I’m kidding! Lighten up, quit being such a prude,” he sighed, “Are all human girls like this?”

“Anyways,” he drawled the word out, “This may surprise you, but I want you as my princess.”

“What are you talking about? Who are you? SERIOUSLY? You j-just came out of a hole thingy! Excuse me if I’m not the most delighted, waiting for you with open arms with tea and English muffins!”

“Wow, you are definitely not helping stereotypes against British people,” he snickered.

“Dude,” she gave him a blank look.

“Okay, okay, gosh! My name actually is Flynn Rider and before you start going on a rant again, no it’s not a fake name, nor do I have any connections with the name Eugene,” he scrunched up his nose in disgust, “Ugh, though it is a pity for whoever had the curse of having that name bestowed upon them.”

“Flynn Rider,” she gasped for air, “You expect me to believe your name is Flynn Rider?!”

“Uh. Yeah,” he awkwardly stared at her.

“Yeah,” she snorted, “And I’m Queen Latifah!”

“Who?”

Frustrated and confused, “J-just forget it.”

He gave her a strange look, “….Anyways, since I can already sense you won’t be pulling a Romeo and Juliet and fall directly into my arms, and frankly I have no interest in making out with your hand, so I guess we’ll have to do this the old-fashioned way.”

“What?”

“Falling in love with each other, duh,” he said obviously, “You’re going come back with me to my world, and eventually you’ll fall in love with me, seeing my bad boy attitude front crumble, and see me as a sweet, sensitive guy,” he finished with a smirk.

“You’re not either of those! You’re just a sick weirdo who landed into my bedroom!”

“You’re in denial, babe. Come on!” he grabbed her hand and with a wave of his other hand (and some Latin phrases here and there), a portal opened.

“OH MY GOSH!! THAT THING! DO YOU SEE THAT THING?!”

“Duh, I’m the one who opened it,” he yelled over the sound of the wind, “You’re not very bright, are you?”

Her face flushed red, “Where are you taking me,” she questioned frantically.

“I, my dear am going for slay a dragon for yours truly.”

“A dragon,” she laughed, not believing a word he said.

“Yes, a dragon, you know horns, wings, breathes fire.”

No last words were said as they were dragged into the portal.

Everything turned black, Faith could feel the grip on her hand, and the wind was furiously nipping at her collar bone along with the rest of her. Suddenly, a light appeared, it became brighter and brighter, as everything turned white.

She reached out in front of her, thinking death had overcome her, “God?”

“Ow,” she heard a smack, “Though I’m basically one with my chiseled looks and charms, no. That was my eye you so graciously smacked by the way, Barbie.”

She opened her eyes and scowled, she looked nothing like a barbie with her green eyes and brown hair.

“It is the east, and Faith is the sun. Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,” he got on one knee and recited to Faith, “I’m kidding.”

“Shakespeare, really?”

“What can I say, I’m poetic. Was it too much?”

“Kind of,” she looked around her, “It’s beautiful here…”

“Yeah, soon to be our kingdom.”

“Uh. Okay…” Faith turned her eyes to him, “What exactly happens now?”

“Hmm. Well, you live here for a couple of months, get to know everyone, and kind of start developing a huge, obsessive crush on me.”

“Do we have time for that? Can the writer even keep ranting about that for another three pages....?”

“I suppose not,” Flynn trailed off, “We’ll just fast forward through that part. There is going to be quite a few loose ends, though. Where’s your conscience by the way?”

“My what?”

“Your conscience, that little voice in the back of your head that tells you things… It’s supposed be all sassy and make you appear to be a little bit psycho, there’s one in almost every teen fiction story…” Flynn explained.

“Oh, I don’t have one of those….”

“That’s a surprise,” Flynn raised his eyebrows.

“Do I have to have one, I’m the typical strong-willed, independent character who somehow needs saving from a handsome man-dude or something like that. You know the type of character that is just naturally perfect…” Faith muttered.

“Wow, and I thought I had issues with my ego…” Flynn trailed off.

“Oh! Whatever! Can we just get this started with, we have limited amount of pages we’re restricted to!”

Over the course of four months, strangely enough, Faith had learned to accept the new world. She didn’t have any parents, family, or close friends in her world, so she was fine with starting a new life. She learned the names of people, even found a best friend, a fairy. Of course, as predicted she did start having a MAJOR crush on Rider. He was an idiot, but over time she learned he could be her idiot, as corny as that sounded.

“Faiitttthhhh!” Flynn called out.

“Yeah?” she questioned.

“Do you remember what I had promised you a few months ago before we arrived here?”

“Not really, why,” she drawled out, speaking cautiously.

“I was going to slay a dragon for you! And now I’m going to fulfil that promise.”

Her eyes widened with fear, “Y-you don’t have to, what if something happens?”

“I’m a prince, basically a king! I can handle a stupid dragon! Though, not that all of them are stupid. Err….” He boated unsure of himself and his words.

“You shouldn’t get too cocky, Flynn,” she softly spoke, “Whatever you decide, I’ll support you, but I have one condition if you decide to go through with the slaying mission.”

The handsome man raised his eyebrow, “And what is that?”

“I wish to accompany you.”

Flynn opened his mouth to protest, but Faith beat him to it, “I’m coming, either way you like it or not, so shut that mouth before you catch flies with it or something.”

“Very well,” Flynn sighed, his shoulders slumping.

Faith ran her hands down on her emerald green dress, “Can I have something more comfortable?”

“Yeah,” Rider smiled as he went to retrieve something.

The sun was shining down on them, illuminating all of the forest. The canopy of tall, slender trees acted as a refreshing shade. Leaves crunched softly as they travelled further and further. Greenery was plenty, it hounded them like bees swarmed over their honey.

The dragon’s cave was close as they approached it quietly.

“You know when I said something comfortable, I didn’t mean a Hello Kitty onesy.”

“It was all I had!”

“So not true, Flynn. I’m soo feeding you catnip for dinner when we get home.”

“I never really took you as the kinky type,” Flynn winked.

Faith blushed as she started stuttering, “S-shut up!”

Flynn shushed her gently, “Here it is.”

The dragon was sleeping, it looked so peaceful, so innocent. How could such a majestic creature burn a whole village to the ground?

Flynn stepped on a twig (quite loudly too, if I may add), the dragon’s eyes snapped right open as he roared right in Flynn’s face.

Eyes wide as saucers, “Y-you need a b-breath mint there b-b-b-buddy.”

Faith tried to run to Flynn’s side as some force knocked her down, “Ow! What happened?!”

“One of the warlocks have casted a spell from girls or peasants getting into the field of the dragon’s vision. You know so no one gets hurt.”

Faith’s hands balled into fists as she punched the invisible force, “THAT’S SO SEXIST!”

Flynn drew his sword, the dragon roared in his face again. Frozen for a second, Flynn, now having his senses returned to him, screamed and ran out.

He cowered behind Faith as the dragon looked around for him.

“What are you doing,” Faith asked him.

“What do you think I’m doing?! I’m running away!! That thing is scary!”

“Are you kidding me?!”

“What are you yelling at me for, woman?! You think battling a dragon is easy. You go fight it for me!! I don’t even understand why stories always have the guys doing all the hard for the girls. Give the bros a break, you know what I mean? Yeah, you girls are all pretty and fragile and stuff, but it’s pretty sexist and-“Flynn rambled on nervously.

“SHUT UP FLYNN!”

The two entered a staring contest to determine who’d win the tire-some argument. But, it was cut short when the dragon roared louder and breathed fire, trying to destroy whatever was in its path.

Flynn let out a girly scream, as he started crying hysterically, “Take her! Take her!! I’m too pretty to die!!”

Faith rolled her eyes, “Oh my gosh, Flynn! You’re a prince or king or whatever. Point is you’re a leader. And leaders are supposed to be brave! You’re supposed to be a role model for god’s sake.”

“Mhmh,” he shook his head, closing his eyes.

Faith sighed, and in the bluntest tone, she spoke, “Quit being a wussy!”

“I’m not a wussy! And don’t even think that stupid inspirational speech will give me an incentive to walk into my death, and may I remind you, it’s a very painful death.”

Faith frowned as she gave him a puppy dog face, pouting her lips and widening her eyes.

Flynn gave her a look with wide eyes, “W-what are you doing? You look constipated.”

Faith’s jaw dropped. Offended she grabbed onto the nearest (and smallest) tree branch and tore it off.

Adorned with an offended expression her face, she started whack Flynn with it, “YOUR SO MEAN TO ME!”

“Ow, this is abuse, woman!”

She whacked him with the breach with each word, “Shut. Up. Flynn.”

“Faith! Faithy! Faithers! Faithengard! Faithisbeautiful!” he tried reasoning with her.

Faith sighed as she threw the branch away, “I’m sorry,” she looked at him with tears glistening in her eyes, and “I don’t know, Flynn. I believed in you.”

Flynn frowned as he looked down, “Believed?”

“I thought you’d be brave about this, you know? I just-just thought you were man enough. I thought you’d do this for me. I didn’t care at first, but you just seemed so determined, and now you’re giving up or something. I can tell you’re scared, but I-“

“How’d you know I was scared,” Flynn cut her off, questioning her.

Faith gave him an amused smile, “I just took a wild guess.”

“Oh.”

Faith clutched her onesy as she tried to keep her laughter in, “Plus, the jizz on your pants gave me a hint.”

Flynn looked alarmed as he looked down, horrified, his words tumbled out of his mouth rapidly, “It was dragon drool! I swear!”

“It’s fine to admit you have bladder problems, Flynn,” Flynn opened his mouth something, but Faith continued talking, “I need to know I can believe in you. I need to know you’re the man that I thought you were. Please…for me?”

Flynn put on a brave face and ran back to the creature with horns. Faith smiled, at least he loved her enough to face his fears for her.

The fight was intense. Flynn dodged, stabbed, and kicked, trying to tame the animal. The dragon, on the other hand, stomped and trampled. It breathed fire a couple of time, it occasionally burned Flynn a bit.

Faith watch as Flynn ran up the dragon’s, who was literally just flailing everywhere, back and prepared to cut off his neck. At the end moment, the dragon lowered his head, and flinched up, throwing Flynn up in the air, it opened its mouth as Flynn came down.

Faith watched in horror as the dragon swallowed Flynn whole.

Tears streamed down Faith’s face as she mourned the loss of her lover. In that moment, she had come to realize she had loved Flynn Rider, no matter how weird and good-looking he was.

Faith dropped to her knees, still hysterically crying, unaware of stomach ache the dragon was getting. Its face morphed into of complete and utter confusion and pain, as a sword cut through the skin of his abdomen, slicing it into two pieces horizontally. Flynn stepped out of it, covered in goo.

“He died! I can’t believe it!”

Flynn staggered up to Faith, kneeling beside her, “Who died?”

Faith looked up, completely blown away, “Flynn!”

She opened her arms and tackled him to the ground, hugging him as tightly as she could.

“Well you’re happy to see me…” Flynn smirked, wiping away her tears.

She smiled at him, and kissed him. After sharing their first kiss, she looked at him and asked, “Make babies with me?”

Flynn opened his mouth once more, but for the zillionth time, Faith cut him off,” And before you think of something perverted, that actually means marry me?”

“Sure, Faithy-poo, since you asked so nicely,” he gave her a smile.

Faith frowned as she realized something, “No one died…”

Flynn looked up at her, “Soo..?”

“Well, I mean happy endings are over-rated…”

“So, what do you want me to do, climb back into the dragon’s stomach and be dissolved alive?”

“No need to be harsh, but I guess this can be an exception. Though, if you pretended you were dead, that’d be awesome.”

Flynn gave her a blank look.

“I’ll take that as a no,” she gave him a cheeky smile, “I hope the writer doesn’t use the most over used line in almost every f a-“

And they lived happily ever after.

The End

Sources and Quotes used from:

Tangled (Disney Pixar)

Romeo and Juliet (Shakespeare)

Tumblr (for the part of the picture)